23. Only Human

We’re all only human.

We all have our own failings and short-sights and triumphs. We have our personal moments of greatness and of downfalls. There’s only so much each and everyone one of us can do within the limitations of time and space and possibilities. I’ve seen a few different people recently struggle with what to do with their lives given the parameters of their backgrounds, abilities, career goals, and passions, among other factors. I myself feel the different tugs and pulls of different fields and interests day from day.

So how do we do the most with our time and our energy? How do we manage to do as much as we can while staying sane?

I went to an interview for a legal internship for the Summer of 2018 this past week. It was an interview for what is essentially my dream job. I’m not going to say where it was, in case I don’t get it. Needless to say, I’ve been working towards this particular interview or something very similar to it for the past six years of my life. At the end of the interview when my interviewer was walking me out the door, I asked her if there were any classes I should be taking or anything I should be doing differently for this career path. She replied that I was actually doing everything exactly right and to stick with it.

I delegated my time in college very carefully for getting a bachelor degree in biology with a minor in economics. Apparently that worked. And now that I’m in law school, the classes I’m taking this semester all feed perfectly into doing ocean-related work: environmental, maritime, international law, and international trade law. These were the classes that I wanted to take more than any others and the ones I thought would do the most amount of good for trying to get where I want to go. And these were the same classes that really stuck out to those interviewing me and said I was the perfect candidate for their work because of these classes.

So on one hand, I think I’m doing a fairly decent job of striving towards my legal career goals of working on ocean-related issues. I only have so many law school classes and internships I can fit in.

On the other hand, I think the balance of ballet in my life is starting to figure itself out as well. This semester, I can only take ballet classes Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, because I’m either in law school classes, working at the EPA, or teaching at all other times during the week when ballet class is available. However, that still means I can fit in three ballet classes a week, which is what I was going last year. This year, I’m actually finding ways to rehearse and perform beyond just taking weekly ballet classes.

Firstly, I’m rehearsing for party parent for Adagio’s Nutcracker. Since they’re doing a restructuring of their Nutcracker this year, actual adults are coming in to play party parents. Ricardo was amazing enough to agree to do party parent with me, and it’s such a joy to get to dance next to him in rehearsals. All my students were darling and told me this week in class that he dances very well and he has a very nice face for being on stage. That just about made my heart burst.

Secondly, a few weeks back I saw that one of the dancers I’ve become friends with at Washington Ballet (she’s amazing and danced professionally for many years before graduating from Georgetown Law a few years back) was going to a small company audition. I asked her about it and if she thinks it would be something that I could do while in law school. She replied in the affirmative and so I went and auditioned for this group. This past week we had our first two rehearsals for their annual show they do in March. I came home from both rehearsals simply glowing with a new-found purpose that I haven’t felt since I was last dancing at BRT.

The group, called Classical Repertory Dance Ensemble, is a local group in DC comprised of all adults with over 20 years of ballet experience. (I think I might actually be the baby of the group since I just have 20 years, and most of them have between 20 and 30 years.) This is the first time since I was probably 12 or 13 that I have gotten the opportunity to dance in a group of all adults. It’s amazing. Both pieces we rehearsed for this week – one was Paquita (which I’ve never had the opportunity to do before) and the other a contemporary piece – were on pointe. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a room full of non-student dancers all on pointe and all working together towards a common choreographic goal. It’s amazing. I have seriously missed it so much. I am so grateful and happy to have found CRDE and I’m so excited to get to dance with them, hopefully for years to come.

I’m working within my limitations as best I can. I finally feel like I’m getting to a place where I am starting to balance everything together in such a way that I can actually pursue both my passions. It’s the first time I feel like I’ve actually been able to do so since I moved to DC. I feel complete in a way I haven’t since leaving Albuquerque behind. But in a way, I feel more complete now. I’m closer than ever to my long-term career goals. I feel like I’m so close to actually beginning to make a difference in the world.

This doesn’t mean I’m doing everything I want to be able to do. There are far too many limitations for that. If I could be doing everything I want to be doing, I would be getting scuba diving certified, I would be actively learning Spanish, and I would be writing, to name a few. But we’re all only human. So we’ve got to do what we can with the time we are given and hope that it all works out. We have to seize the opportunities we find and actively work towards our goals with the most information we can. We’ve got to keep in mind our goals that we actually want to meet and complete and keep sight of the path it takes to get there. We’ve got to follow that path, even if it means we zig and zag to eventually get to the signposts that tell us we’re doing right. And somehow we’ll make it, even if we’re only human.

 

22. Multiple Lives Syndrome

Do you ever feel like one life is too little to live? Do you ever have the desire to live a completely different life than the one you have? Or to live multiple lives all at one time, branching out in an infinity of possibilities towards all the outer reaches of the universe? I feel it all the time.

Most of the time, I’m pretty darn content to live this life I have. I have so much to live for and I love it all. Between teaching ballet, dancing, and performing on one hand and all my academic experiences leading into legal experiences all subsidized by anything to work on conservation, I do live a wide and varied life and am very grateful for that. But nonetheless, there are certain times like tonight when all I want to do is run away from everything (or almost everything), move somewhere completely different, and do something with my life so completely different than what I am doing now.

Of course one of those lives would be dancing in a professional company. If you know me at all, you know I would absolutely love the chance to do so. But that’s a different life that is still close enough to my own reality that it doesn’t have quite the same amount of wanderlust yearning that other lives do.

For example, I would absolutely love the chance to go travel and be a National Geographic photographer or reporter, especially if the work was on wildlife. I would adore being able to view these amazing creatures in their natural habitats up close. Then again, I know people who do so for their careers face every kind of hardship, from braving sub-zero temperatures at the polar regions to facing down deadly predators. Still, they get to see things that hardly anyone else on this planet gets to see.

I believe we each start off with unlimited potential. That’s not to say that everyone is born with the same privileges or internal or external factors. But I think the more you grow, the more you cultivate yourself in one direction. Those other branches of interest don’t get quite the same amount of nourishment as the ones you focus on. So over time, those branches don’t give you quite as many opportunities as they might have done previously had you taken the time to nurture those branches as well. However, the branches that you have cultivated and cared for over time continue to branch out in possibilities within that specific field or area of interest or passion.

Now I think the trick is finding out how to cultivate as many of these branches as possible by entwining them with your other branches of passions. If you can successfully do so, you will grow all the stronger for it. You will have more options within those passions than you did before.

But still, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to have infinite possibilities at all times?

I suppose limitations are a large part of being human. If we didn’t have limitations and we could be infinite, what could we create and accomplish? What whole worlds would open up to us that we didn’t have access to before? I would love to explore some of those other worlds that currently are not being cultivated. I would love to live in some of those branches as well. I’ve never heard of a name for this, but I think it should be called Multiple Lives Syndrome.

The desire to live many lives is deep within us all, I think. All of us at one time or another feels trapped by the path we have laid out for ourselves. And that’s not to say that that path is insufficient or lacking in any way. No, hopefully that path is a wonderful path that you do really and truly care about following and going down. I feel that way about my own path. But still, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to live multiple lives at one time?

21. Updates on a New Academic Year

Law school classes, externships at the EPA, ballet classes, and teaching have all finally started up and I finally feel like the semester has officially started. So here’s an update on what this semester is looking like for me!

Law School
Today technically marks the end of the second week of law school classes for the semester, but since we didn’t have Monday classes for labor day, it doesn’t quite feel like two full weeks have passed. This semester, I only have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. Most of my classes are late afternoon or evening classes and my earliest class starts at 11:10am.

I’m taking Environmental Law, Maritime Law, International Law, International Trade and Regulations, and an Externship Seminar. I really like all of my classes this semester because these are all subjects I am actually interested in and feel are very important for hopefully doing some kind of law relating to ocean conservation in the future. I think Environmental Law might be my favorite class, although to be honest it is hard to choose between my different classes.

On Mondays, I have Environmental Law in the morning and then a break from 12:30-3:30. Then, if I’m unlucky, I have three classes in a row from 3:30-9:55pm at night. If I’m lucky and don’t have my externship seminar (it’s only every other week), then I have class from 3:30-7:45. Those will be very nice Mondays. On Wednesdays, I just have Environmental Law in the mornings and then International Law from 5:45-8:45. Luckily I have lots of time to go home and eat and study between my classes in the afternoon.

Externship
So this semester I’m externing (it’s the exact same thing as interning, just during the semester) at the Environmental Protection Agency, more colloquially as the EPA. I have to work there 15 hours a week to get three credits for it and am working 9-5 there Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’ve only gone for two days so far, but the place is great. I’m nervous to work there just because I don’t really know what kinds of tasks or projects I’ll get assigned every day. But it will be a very good experience and I’m glad I get the opportunity to work there.

Bonus points: the main staircase at the EPA looks like something right out of the wizarding world. There’s even a time-turner-like chandelier hanging down in the middle of the staircase.

Teaching
Last night was my first night back teaching at Adagio Ballet and the first day of classes for the school year. I missed being there. It’s such a wonderful group of teachings and students. The girls are all so sweet and hard working. Last year I was only teaching two nights a week – Tuesdays and Thursdays – there, but this year I’m teaching those two nights at the same time and then also two additional classes Friday evenings. I feel like I really lucked out with finding an amazing place to teach and I really am thrilled to be back.

In past years, Adagio’s Nutcracker was essentially their winter recital for all the classes. So my class last year was Spanish, the class next door was Chinese, etc. This year, they completely redid the structure of it so everyone who wanted to dance in the Nutcracker had to audition back during the summer. They also needed some party parents from the faculty and interested adults, so Ricardo and I will both be party parents this year! I’m so excited. I’ve never gotten to dance on stage with my significant other before. He’s going to be just fantastic. I’ll also be rehearsing another role I’ll be performing for their Nutcracker. Hint: there will most likely be a tutu involved.

Ballet Class
I haven’t been able to go take ballet class since I got back into town because my car decided to die on me two days after we got back. Thus, I haven’t had a way to actually drive to ballet class and it’s a bit too far away by public transportation or uber. My car finally got fixed two days ago, though, so this morning was my first morning back in ballet class. I actually get to take class every weekend now, as well as Fridays and possibly on Monday and Wednesday mornings before darting off to Environmental Law. Either way, it feels so great to be back. There are some things that I feel rusty with, but overall I’m amazed that I haven’t gotten too out of shape over the course of the summer. I feel good and motivated now and being back in the school context just helped me get back into ballet class mood as well.

Other
So I think those are my main responsibilities that occur every week! On top of that, all I have to worry about are job applications and interviews for a legal job next summer, possibly auditioning for and rehearsing for the upcoming Georgetown Gilbert & Sullivan Society musical, and other items that may or may not pop up.

But every night I am lucky enough to get to go home to my amazing boyfriend and amazing little cloud being of a cat. My life would not be the same without them and I am so infinitely grateful for their places in my life. Neither Ricardo nor I would know what do without Rumple. He’s such a sweet, crazy little cat. He loves playing. He’s become so vocal that he will just meow and meowl at us for apparently no reason whatsoever sometimes. But we love him and I’m pretty darn sure he loves us back.

Now that things are settling down, I’m going to get back to regular blog writing. So thank you for reading!